O V E R A G A I N...

Kamusta ka na? Pasensya ka na ngayon lang ulit kita nabisita, huwag ka ng magtampo pawang binawasan ko lang ang aking panahon sa pag-oOnline.. Ngayon lang ulit dahil sa mahabang bakasyon..

Hayyy............ alam mo ba nakakatampo, naging abala ko sa pamimili at paghahanda ng mga regalo para sa araw na ito, para mapasaya ko naman ang mga tao sa paligid ko, isang beses lang kasi ito sa isang taon, kaya nais ko palaging mapasaya sila kahit isang araw lang...

Pero bakit ganun, masaya ako para sa kanila, pero para sa sarili ko?.. HINDI.. Isang taon ko na din kasing hinihingi sa KANYA ang isang regalo na lubos na mapagpapasaya sa akin, pero kagaya ng nakaraang Pasko, hindi ko din ito natanggap.. Naiintindihan ko naman, baka ayaw pa nyang ibigay sa ngayon dahil hindi pa ako handa. Pero kelan? Hanggang kelan ako maghihintay? O baka naman, wala naman talaga akong hinihintay?..

Ako naman ay nagsisisi at nagtitika sa lahat ng aking pagkakamali sa loob ng isang taon, alam kong marami akong nagawang kasalanan, at hindi ko naman iyon ikina-kaila, at iyon ay hinihingi ko ng patawad sa KANYA.. Dahilan ba iyon para hindi ako makatanggap ng regalo mula sa KANYA? Marahil...

Minsan lang ay hindi ko maiwasan isipin na nakakapagod din pala, ang maghintay, yung nakikita mo ang ibang tao na kahit wala silang gawin ay nakakatanggap pa rin sila ng espesyal na regalo mual sa KANYA, nakakainggit minsan, pero alam kong mali iyon. O baka naman nalilito lang SYA sa dami ng hinihingi sa kanya ay nalilimutan NYA ang mga hiling ko, o baka naman dahil may mas nangangailangan makatanggap ng regalo mula sa KANYA.. Hindi ko din alam ang mga kasagutan sa mga tanong ko, sapagkat wala naman akong natatanggap na sagot mula sa KANYA..

Hayyy.............. Sana minsan lumingon ka naman, dito oh....... kahit sandali lang, para makita mo naman ang isang hiling na nagmumula sa kaibuturan ng aking puso. Pero okay lang kung hindi mo pa ako mapansin ngayon, maiintindihan ko..

Maghihintay nalang ako ulit ng susunod na PASKO, baka sa panahon na iyon matanggap ko na ang pinakamagandang regalo mula sa iyo..

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN!

"you left me hanging..

It's been 3 months since my last blog, I got too busy in certain cases that's why..

But as of this moment, I had this inclusive concept that made me drop a line in my page. I am totally uninformed of what is going on, not having even a clue of what have I've done for you to act that way. It's just so weird, the last time we see each other were fine, after that day I was not aware that day will be our last day..

It's our usual not to send messages everyday, cause were both busy and we knew each other that way. I just let that way because, its the condition of things between us generally. But I was really surprise of your way! And I'm not even fuckin' fine! How could you left me, without even giving a sensible reason nor telling that you are walking away. Your'e causing me misery and so much pain. Until now, strange and surprising. I tried to get hold of you, but you keep silent. I tried to dispose the thought of you in certain ways, but Im so stupid that I can't.

I know we haven't make a promise nor a commitment, but as a person, you should know and assess the time value I have given you. Don't just left me hanging... I am emotionally and intellectually attached with you, you must know it..

So please, growled a reply! And let something be known!

"AS THEY GREW UP"

Had a great weekends.

Pakiramdam ko gumaling ako. Leave ako ng Friday, kaya Thursday pa lang ng gabi nasa Bulacan na ako para mgpahinga. Nakapagpahinga naman ako ng isang buong araw. Friday ng gabi dumating ang mga pamangkins ko from school sinundo sila ng dad nila (brother ko) para dito sila mg-spend weekends nila. Three weeks ko na silang hindi nakita kaya sobrang miss ko na sila.

Pagdating nila, niyakap ko kagad ang bunso namen, namiss ko talaga siya, at sa yakap na iyon naramdaman kong namiss nya din ako. Lumaki kasi sya na palaging nakakapit saken, kaya natutuwa naman ako na kahit hindi na sila dito sa amin nakatira, kapag umuuwi sila dito ay hindi pa naman nila ako nakakalimutan. Kung gaano kame ka-close noong maliliit pa sila ganoon pa din naman hanggang ngayon. Kahit 7yrs old na ang panganay at 5yrs old naman si bunso, baby pa din sila parasa akin.

Noong umalis sila dito sa amin, ang takot ko noon baka isang araw kapag nakita nila ako ay hindi na nila matandaan kung gaano kame ka-close, na baka isang araw ay hindi na nila ako kilala. Na hindi mo na sila nakikita sa paglaki nila, na baka habang lumalaki sila nakakalimutan na nila na parte ka ng buhay nila. Iyon ang pinakamasakit para sa akin. Pero sa ngayon mukhang hindi naman. Kapag nandito sila sa amin parang hari at reyna ang dumadating, sila ang nagiging dahilan para magka-bonding moments ang family namen, sila ang dahilan ng saya sa tahanan namin.

Friday night dvd marathon kame, kain ng kung anu-anong chichiria, harutan, kulitan hanggang sa makatulog na. I spend the night with them sa house ng bro ko, minsan lang kasi talaga sila nandito, minsan ko lang sila makatabi sa pagtulog. At the same time iyon lang din ang pagkakataon na kasama ko ang kapatid ko. Sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari kahit na may pagkakataon na nagalit ako sa kanya, hindi pa din noon nasira ang pagiging magkapatid namin at pagiging close. Kinalimutan ko na din ang mga nangyari at hinahayaaan ko na lang siya na maging masaya. Pero iyon ibig sabihin na sumang-ayon na ako sa kanya. But for the sake of the kids handa naman ako kalimutan ang mgapagkakamali nya.

Saturday, breakfast lang tapos lipat naman kami sa house ng mom ko, kain ng ice cream, then lunch ng-bonding kame thru ihaw-ihaw ng pagkain namin. After lunch balik ulit sa house ng bro ko till night na.

Sunday morning, prepare na sila para umuwi sa mom nila. Iyon ng routine palagi kapag umuuwi sila dito Sunday morning kailangan na nila umuwi sa mom nila. Syempre sumama ako maghatid sa kanila para ma-spend ko pa ang konting oras with them. Pagdating sa house nila, kwentuhan konti with their mom, kain ng konti, and laugh out loud with kalokohan ng mga kids. Iyon lang ulit ang pagkakataon na nakita ko na magkakasama silang pamilya na nagtatawanan, sa isip ko noon kailan kaya sila ulit mabubuo? Kung makikita mo kung gaano kasaya ang mga bata kapag kasama nila ang mommy at daddy nila ng sabay. Iba ung kaligayahan nila.

Time to say bye to the kids, kailangan na namin umuwi, this is always the sad part, si bunso kasi kapag hinhatid namin sila palaging humahabol. And it sucks to see kung gaano nya kagusto sumama sa amin, pero hindi pwede. Kahit ako it breaks my heart. Kung pwede lang bakit hindi. Kahit nasasaktan ka kailanganmo silang iwanan. The minute na pagtalikod pa lang namin, haaayyyyyyyyy.......... Miss ko na sila kagad. Minsan iniisip ko din, na sana hindi ko nalang sila ka-close para hindi ko sila namimiss, para hindi ko sila palaging hinihintay,but damn! sobrang mahal ko sila.

I'm still hoping in HIS time, mabubuo ulit ang pamilya nila.

Miss ko na kayo sa susunod ulit nating pagkikita.

"SICK WITH ENVY"

Got sick. Not feeling well, that's why I decided to have a sick leave.

Shame......... I have 2 leaves for this month in two consecutive week.
Both sick leave. I'm really sick, but i don't know if I'm doing this to run out of my job or I got sick because of my job, I am deeply affected of what my job is.

Maybe. I can't find any sensible reason to leave than being sick.

Sad for me, I am "SICK WITH ENVY".. But I can't reproach anyone for my lapses and misdeed. There's no one to be blame but me. I can't form an estimate on what life has to offer, rather I am no more expecting. It might be my price, for wishing to much. Now I know the meaning of being contented, contented on what HE has given you. You should know how to control your specific feeling of desire. At least now I know.

But I've gone through this because of my aspirations. Am I wrong to dream? Or these dreams had been too much?..

I am no longer in possession nor have a control in my direction, I want to take a reverse gear but its no longer applicable, I tried to speed up but it makes me stop, and there's no u-turn slot ahead, where am I going? I'm lost definitely.

Wish I could found new and right direction. Here I am again wishing. Too bad.. I should change this apparent nature. I will.

I'm letting all my burdens and fears in HIS grace hands. Whatever will be, will be..
I just hope I can still smile tomorrow.

"SAKTO"

'Parang tiwala pag nasira na bigla-biglaang talaga, mahirap ng idikit ang tiwala pag napunit" -TSOKOLATE by Parokya ni Edgar

Theme song namen yan ng "bestfriend" ko nung college. Should I call it bestfriend? may nagsabi nga sa akin, hindi bestfriend ang tawag dun kung madali itong nasira ng mga stupidong bagay. Tama nga naman. I strongly agree. Natatandaan ko ang huli kong post dito ay nabanggit ko pa sya that I was able to accept the fact na hindi na kame magiging okay kailanman. Totoo naman eh, natanggap ko na at okay na ko. Ganun talaga ang buhay hindi ba? some people will leave you, you just have to accept.

Pero bakit ko ba ito pino-post dito, bakit ko naisipan magsulat tungkol sa kanya. Hindi ko din alam, I'm stupid to think, pero sobrang tamang tama ang timing nya na bigla nya akong naalala. One month ago na ang birthday ko, she sent me a message "Belated Happy Birthday!" Nung moment na iyon sobrang lutang ako kase nga depressed ako with my new assignment, kaya ng makita ko ang sender ng message na yon nagulat ako, hindi ko nga alam kung magrereply ako sa text na iyon, I was thinking "baka wrong sent?, baka hindi siya yon?, baka someone is just using her cellphone?" I asked a friend kung magrereply ako, sabi nya mag-thank you ka sabihin mo lang "Thanks!" Then I texted her "Salamat and yngat". Pero right at that moment nag-flashback talaga ung college life namen, medyo sumaya ako ng maalala ko lahat pero nalungkot ako wishing I could turn back time, I miss her honeslty and her family.

Ngayon kase, I keep everything to myself. Wala eh, no one is around to be my keeper. Unlike dati, sabi nga nila magkadugtong ang bituka namen.

The night that day I texted her ulit, "Kmzta kn?"

Hindi din naman ako umaasa na mag-rereply siya, and like what I've expected hindi na siya sumagot. Naisip ko nun, maybe gusto nga lang nya ko batiin in later time, dahil siguro binati ko rin sya noong kaarawan nya late na din. It was fine with me, nakalimutan ko na nga na nag-text pala ako sa kanya.

The next morning, she texted me "Ui pacenxa kna ngaun lang ako nkareply, ok lang naman pu ako, kw?"

Nag-isip pa ko ng matagal kung anung isasagot ko, maybe dahil I already forget how to talk her to her, morethan a year na din kase na hindi talaga kame nag-usap, thats why I was too mute that moment. I just told her "Masaya nman ako at naalala mo aqng itxt". Medyo nag-usap naman kame, kahit na mararamdaman mo na it is in a cold manner. Hindi ako alam kung ito ba ang tamang pagkakataon para magka-ayos kame, pero wala pa ding nagbabago sa amin, pareho pa ding mataas ang pride namen, like the old times. Pero at least nakapg-kwnetuhan kame kahit papano about what is happening today. Medyo nabawasan ang depression ko. At hindi na din namen pinag-usapan ang mga issue ng nakaraan. Better yon diba, wala nga lang closure ang nangyari.

I wish I can tell her how much I miss my bestfriend. Pero okay na siguro iyon, we have a different life now, tama na siguro na okay na kame kahit papano, yung alam namen na we are forgiven kahit hindi na sabihin alam kong the moment that we took time to talked kahit hindi personaly, alam kong napatawad na namen ang isa't-isa. I wish her the best of everything, and siguro handa at kaya ko pa rin pala syang tulungan kapag pinuntahan nya ako at kailangan nya ng taong tatayo sa tabi nya. Sabi ko noon I will never ever be there for her kahit pa maging a matter of life and death I won't. Pero mali pala ako, I can still be there despite of everything,
"if she will ask to.

"LONGING"

Ngayon lang ulit ako makakapag-update ng blog, marami namang nangyari nitong mga ngdaang araw pero ni hindi ko naisipang isulat ito siguro dahil "I lost a will to express an emotional, practical, and other reason to write" hindi ko din alam kung bakit marahil na rin siguro masyado akong nalungkot sa bagong work assignment ko at kailangan ko talaga ng malalim na pag-iisip at pagtitimbang sa mga bagay-bagay.

Mukhang hindi maganda ang pasok ng buwan na ito.

JUNE 02, 2010 - Ito ang araw na ibinigay sa amin ang bago naming work assignment, 'I got depressed and frustrated' BAKIT? dahil salungat ito sa napag-usapn namin noong una akong na-interview para sa training. Natatandaan ko noon ng tanungin nila ako kung bakit ko gusto lumipat sa Systems Group. Isa lang ang sagot ko noon, dahil gusto ko ng technical work, dahil mas gusto ko ng software and hardware troubleshooting. Ngunit sinabi nila sa akin na kahit ito raw ang gusto ko kailangan ko dumaan sa isang extensive training, but the the training is programming, kapag nakapasa ka raw pwede ka ng mapunta sa operations.

I accepted, at syempre I expected na mapupunta ako sa operations after the training. They keep on asking bakit operations ang gusto ko, better daw if I became a programmer, marketable. Pero kahit anu pa mang opportunity ang meron ang isang programmer hindi ko iyon hinahangad. After all, para sakin it's not the salary. Nakapagtyaga nga ako na nasa training ako and I'm receiving lesser than my co-trainees. Marahil iisipin nyo ang corny ko naman sa ganitong pag-iisip. Pero iyon ang totoo, gusto ko lang masaya ako sa gingawa ko. Simpleng tao lang ako na gusto ng isang simpleng buhay.

Napunta ako sa isang team, as a system designer and developer, overview pa lang ng objective ang team na ito, hay... It really sucks! kahit anu pa man ang objective nila hindi pa rin ako ma-convince' simple lang dahil hindi ko pa rin ma-absorb na I'll be spending 3 yrs for something na hindi ako masaya. It's not being a programmer, it's the tool we are using. Dahil sa pagka-powerful ng mainframe its the first thing na ibibigay sa iyo at sinceito talaga ang system na ginagamit nila as a beginner in the group wala kang choice. Ngunit kahit gaano pa ito ka-powerful it doesn't suffice my interest. I'm suffering emotionally, mentally and rigidly.

Until now, nag-iisip pa rin ako, hindi ako pagod sa trabaho, pagod ako sa pag-iisip ng isang mabisang desisyon. Im planning to resign one of these days, bago ako pumirma ng bagong contract on September. Pero pinag-iisipan ko pa itong mabuti ng paulit-ulit. Im thinking of best ways. That's my plan A. Some said pwede pa akong bumalik sa dati kong group, but it doesn't suit well to me. Hindi dahil hindi ko gusto sa kanila, I love to work with them, and I have learned to love their work. Kundi dahil, hindi ko na sila gustong guluhin, sobrang hassle na ang naibigay ko sa kanila, I don't deserve to have them back. I deserve to have this frustration. It's my consequence.

Sana na lang one of these days, HE'll just drop an effective step towards. To let me know this is what HE wants me to be. That HE'll give me wisdom to be able to accomplish a purpose, to function effectively with my group, and to provide them an intended result.

That HE will bristled with my plan, if I'm planning in the wrong way. I actually told my Mom what I am feeling right now, sabi nya:

"Magdasal ka, na bigyan ka nya ng sagot sa mga tanong mo, na makaya mo
lahat, na gabayan ka nya sa lahat ng pagkakataon"

That's what Im longing right now.....

"ASK AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU, SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND"

'AITS BATCH 1 OF 2010'

At last after almost 3months matatapos na ang training. Ang pinakahihintay naming lahat. Parang ang hirap i-detach ung bonding na meron kame ngayon,mas closer na kase ang group at komportable na ang bawat isa, sa isa't isa. Ngunit sa ayaw man namin at sa gusto kailangan namin tanggapin na madedeploy kame in different divisions, hindi namin alam kung sino ang makakasama namin, new people nanaman at panibagong pakikisama nanaman. Sabi nga namin, pwede bang gumawa ng bagong division na kame pa din ang magkakasama?..

Marami na ang mababago:

1. Wala ng sleeping sessions.
2. Wala ng kain ng kain sessions.
3. Wala ng petiks mode.
4. Wala ng review mode.
5. Wala ng exams na whole day mong sinsagutan.
6. Wala ng araw na papasok ka para tumanga ng 1 buong araw.
7. Wala ng tantrums during hands on.
8. Wala ng mga trip na mag-match ng food na babagay sa ketchup.
9. Wala ng asaran mode.
10. Wala ng "Enchong at Keo' na mangungulit, YES!
11. Wala ng Anna, ang pulis ng batch na galing sa ibang planeta
at ang mga virus nya na nakakahawa.
12. Wala ng Carl na hobby ang pag-cocode ng program.
13. Wala ng Joyce, at wala na din si Rey dahil wala na si Joyce.
14. Wala ng Melvs na bumubuhay sa sense of humor ng lahat.
15. Wala ng Tin na tutulong sakin, maghanap ng mga syntax error ko.
16. Wala ng Toi na nakakaintindi sa nararamdaman ko towards programming.
17. Wala ng Mai ang bunso ng batch.
18. Wala L.A. na kasama lagi sa love triangle, (KEO pagkakataon mo na!)
19. Wala ng Chel ang mommy ng batch.
20. Wala na din ako.

Marami akong natutunan during this training. The courage to try. The guts to hold on and believe na kaya ko. Pero I won't make it kung hindi dahil sa tulong ng mga taong sumusuporta at naniniwala saken.

Ang mga former boss ko sa BFB, dahil hinyaan nila akong tanggapin ang opportunity na ito. At sila din ang dahilan kung bakit pinilit kong kayanin ang training. Sayang naman ang binigay nila sa akin na pagkakataon kung hinyaan ko lang ito na mawala diba?.. Sa mga pagkakataon na gusto ko ng bumigay sila ang sandalan ko, ung trust nila saken ang nagtutulak sakin na kumapit. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila wala ako sa training.

Hindi din magiging successful ito kung hindi dahil sa tulong ng batch 1, noong una akala ko hindi ako magtatagal sa group. Bakit?.. Una, ang babata ng mga kasama ko, matatalino, at pakiramdam ko noon isa ang lang gusto nila ang manguna sa training, kaya they think much of theirselves bago ang iba. Which is kabaliktaran ng objectives ko ng magdecide akong pumasok sa training. Simple lang gusto ko nun, pumasa at makatapos sa training, hindi kailanman pumasok sa isip ko na makipag-kumpetensya sa kanila. Dahil siguro I'm matured enough and I'm over sa school life environment. I admit na sobrang bored ako nun sa training, tinatamad, akala ko kase nun tapos na ako sa pagiging estudyante. Pero nung training kailangan kong ibalik ung enthusiasm ko sa pag-aaral. Dahil hindi ako magsu-survive kung hindi ako mag-aaral. Pinilit ko talaga ang sarili ko. At ng simulan kong bumuo ng bond sa kanila, na-proved kong hindi ka naman pala nila iiwan, ng-start talagang magtulungan para pumasa ang lahat.

Halfway ng module, I've decided to quit, kinontak ko talaga ang prof namen to tell that I'm quitting, I'm running out of reasons nung time na yon para mag-quit. Good for me na hindi sya pumayag, at least ngayon patapos na ko sa training. Hindi ako makatulog ng panahon na yon, isa lang kasi ang gusto ko noon, ang mag-quit. But someone told me some lines of encouragement at tumatak talaga yon sa isip ko:

"Quitters never win, how are you supposed to get what you want in life, if you don't go thru it the hard way"..

Which is true talaga, if you dont want to risk, then you dont want it bad enough. Buti nalang pinakinggan ko sya. At ngayon ang sarap sa pakiramdam ng achievements na ito. But 50% of it I owe it to Sir POGS! Dahil binigyan nya ako ng pagkakataon..

Hindi ko alam kung panu ako magpapasalamat sa inyong lahat.

Kay Anna, na matyagang nagwa-walk through sa program ko, kahit sobrang tamad ako dahil sa kanya pinipilit kong magsipag.



Kay Carl, sa lahat ng help sa pagde-debug.



Kay Joyce at Melvs, na source palagi ng program codes ng lahat, thank you guys for not being selfish.


Kay Tin at Toi, na hindi ako iniiwan hangga't hindi ako nakakatapos.


Sila ang madalas tumulong sa akin, I owe it you guys! Thank you!
And to the rest of the batch, sa bondings naten. Thank You! Mami-miss ko kayo. Back to normal na ako. Sana once in a while kahit magkakahiwaly na tayo, minsan lumabas tayo together!


"ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE, TOGETHER WE STAND!"
"BPI-CSC AITS BATCH 1 OF 2010, LUCKY 13..

"Kaarawan"..

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY?..

One year older...

***So how's the previous year? Is it nice?..

Probably it was nice, although sometimes its tough. I've gone through some emotional crisis. I remember last year was my saddest birthday. No celebration at all. My whole family got depressed and we've been going through a bumpy road last year. HE gave us the hardest test, actually I quitted on HIM, I had a great anger on HIM. For HE let us deminished each other, until we all fall apart. My ultimate birthday wish last year was:

1. To bring back my family.
2. To gave my Mom the courage to hold on.
3. To see her again wearing a bountiful smile.
4. To take my brother away from temptations.
5. To make him realize how stupid he was.
6. To take him back in GOD's hands.
7. To gave my sister in law a peace of mind and happiness.
8. TO gave her another reason to smile.
9. To make her realize she had been my greatest sister and a great daughter in law for my Mom.
10. To gave my niece and nephew a home full of love.

But out of my 10 wishes only 3 of them was granted. But I still hope HE'll gave it all in HIS time.

***How about your work? How was it?..

We'll its nice and great, I had been working with a great people. I was able to learn things I've never think I would. I found new friends. Work was really great, but I had to walk through and wobble to another career thats why I decided to leave them. I am now working with new one, and I think its the best gift HE had given me.

***How about your love life? Was it colorful?..

First and second quarter last year its colorful, but it turns colorless because of some unexpected reasons. But I'm happy, I already get used to it. Acceptance is the key. Now?. I am with a new one. Lucky right?.. And I hope it is him written to be my one.

***How's your relationship with your bestfriend? Was it okay now?..

Sadly it was not, and will forever be that way. I missed her, the way she greeted me on my birthday, the way she made my day a special day. I always thought of our past few years that were okay, on how we made ourselves free everytime our birthday will come, we always have one day to celebrate. But I already accepted that forever is over. And im happy for whatever life she has right now. I had forgiven her and I wish she already forgave me.

One year had gone, time to CELEBRATE A NEW LIFE!
Here I am now, HAPPY! Thank you for the new year!

Thanks to this people who celebrated with me, my first day of my new year!
The undeniable friendship that we have for 10 years now. They made my day so happy!








More pictures on Facebook.. =)

" H A P P Y " =)

Happy is a word that describe people in the state of doing something enjoyable and fun, without having to worry of something else. Happy is a word that we often hope people to feel when we see someone for the first time. Happy is a word that often get someone unhappy to feel jealous. I love to see and make people feel happy. I tend to realize that I do and think of others much than i think about myself.

I'm lying if i said i cared about all the people, since i don't really care much. I love to make sure people happy though i don't. i am so emotional, so unperfect, so egoistic. i admit it. Happy can suit me? Nah. whatever.

"C R E D I T S T O A L L T H E M O T H E R S"

I just wan't to greet all the mothers in this balmy world! Happy Mother's Day!

Little by little you give, little by little you sevre. Little by little you love. I will always remember how you sing a lullabye, how you wiped my tiny nose, for helping me tie my sholace. How you pinned my diaper, how you rubbed my bruised elbow. How you hold me through the night when my nose is stuffed with cold. How you thought me the multiplication table. How you keep quiet and hold on to temper when I'm wrong.

Our mother's minutiae will always be remembered, and no such thing can ever replace them nor can compare. No matter how worse or great our life is, they deserve to have a recognition, for the gunpoints they have to walk through.

I was watching a television while doing this little note of recognition for my Mom. Until I found myself crying while watching celebrity Moms who is singing for their little babies. Their song really makes me realize, "the hardship being a mother". How wonderful their love is. I admit that I don't oftenly tell my Mom how much I love her, but I do love her with all my life. I'm not a perfect child, but I can spurt into jail for her. My life is a dsitinctive nature of how great my Mom is. No one can suppress the intimate love they have for us.

They make love visible, tangible and so real!

To all the Moms, I salute you all!

" NEW THING.. "

I really don't try too many food things, I mean I try new dishes but the main ingredients Ive had them. For example, to eat fries with ketchup. But to pair ketchup or make ketchup as your main condiment in every meal? I never had it.

But now I belong with this weird and logical people, we do try new dishes.
The first dish I heard was, to try a Snickers with ketchup. Would you dare to this?
Of course I wont, and I wouldn't. But one of them did try it, and found out it wasn't good.

Second, an ordinary junk food named "SNACKU" with ketchup, I did try it, taste wasn't that strong, and there was no ugly taste about it. It's fine. They said it tasted like one our Filipino food "menudo".

Third was the "eminems" (MnM) chocolate with ketchup, it was not really good, I also tried it, we do all tried it.

From the time that we tried new things, I already adapted this manner and start to think always of having a new thing everytime I ate, the one I tried to look was a "pancit canton" paired with kisses chocolate, I just tried, but it doesn't taste good.

The other thing I saw weird one lunch time, is when Gelo had his "tinolang manok" paired with "toyo and calamansi" maybe it's weird for me but I don't know for others I haven't tried it ever since. Another one is when he put "ketchup and gravy" stir them together, and got it! They also tried "pancit canton with super thin crackers". Every meal, they always wanted to try new things.

They said programmers has a deep logical thinking, I definitely agree with it! We do solve cases in different logic.

But there's one more thing we do have, most of us are WEIRD! We do think beyond ordinary, and beyond normal. I don't know if it is the effect of having been tortured with COBOL the master language of mainframe, but it is still WIERD!

Worse Yet Best..

It's our group monthsary!

It's been a month, one heck of journey that we had, not so easy and not so good. And I'm quite glad that the group took its effort to help each other for the remaining month of training. We will never let anyone to fall out of this horrified room ever again.

Exams are not yet over, and 1 more month to go to freedom. Programming was not really a subject, everyone of us just want to get rid of this crappy COBOL! But we all know we can't. But at least we do have one goal right now "Together we stand, together we fall".

Its real, its logical. I know it is one of a friggin' hot series that we had in our lives, but its one of BEST! Right?..

Happy Monthsary Guys! We can make it! Just work hard and earn big bucks! =)

Over Being Pushed Into You '

I really, really feel great last night, now I can say "I'm over being pushed into you"..


After the diner that we had last night, after 5 months of silence. Last night seems nothing happens months ago, we talked and touched each other just like the old times. But when I got home, I just realize that you already seems nothing to me, that I am happy now and contented.

And I really feel great!

How about you?..

Cornetto Commercial" Panalo..

Tugs.. Tugs.. Tugs.. Tugs..
Tugs.. Sige Sayaw.. Tugs..
Tugs.. Giling mo yan.. Sige Sayaw..

Panalo ang comercial na ito!

" In the Circle of Life "

Sabi ko, I won't visit my FB tonight,
that I'll stick on review for Monday's first quiz for Module 3.
But I can't bear to skip having online. And I was touched by this song,
I wasn't able to listen and understand this soundtrack
"In The Circle of Life" of Lion King. Till this man hit me of this song.
So great!

There's more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done

You should never take more than you give

In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding

In the circle, the circle of life
Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of soar to the stars
And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars
There's far too much to take in her
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

"Starbucks-Yellow Cab- Diner- Ice Cream"

Ang dame kong utang ngayong week, sana mabayaran ko na sila. Dahil sa result ng module 2, dumami ang utang ko. Ewan ko ba, nakipag-pustahan ata ako sa lahat ng tao sa module na iyon. Dahil siguradong sigurado ako ng panahon na yon na hindi ako papasa ng module 2, kaya malakas ang loob kong makipag-deal sa kanila, sa kasamaang palad natalo ako.

Kaya kailangan ko silang bayaran sa pustahan. Pero okei lang naman, worth it naman ang pustahan na yun, PUMASA KO! at sana pumasa pa ko sa 4 pang module na natitira. Pero hindi na muna ko makikipag-pustahan ulit, wala sa budget at lumalaki ang gastos ko. hehe.. =)

But thank you guys for believing in me, kahit ako weh sumusuko na, kayo hindi pa din!

Nabobore ako noon pero hindi ko naman hiniling na araw-araw akong mag-isip. I am missing the normal life. Pero kakayanin ko ito. Sasabayan lang kita pero wag mo kong iiwan.

"Listahan ng Utang"

1. Anne - Coffee. Basta this comming week pangako, busy lang talaga yesterday.

2. Tropang Adik - Yellow Cab. Shakey's nalang?! para mas mura.. hehe.. Pasensya na hindi ko naman kayo tatakbuhan, sorry na kung hindi natuloy kahapon, Billy Sorry..

3. Pau - Diner.

4. My Angels - Ice cream.

" BIRTHDAY MO NGAYON "

April 02, 1985

Tama naman ang hula ko sa pagkakataong ito diba?..

" Happy Beerday! "

Bakit ko nga ba kailangan mag-post ng article tungkol sayo, eh pwede naman kitang igreet nalang ng simpleng Happy Birthday lang diba?.. Dahil siguro kulang ang simpleng greetings na yon para maging espesyal ang araw na ito. Alam ko namang masaya ang kaarawan mo kahit wala ang article na ito sa dame ba naman ng nagmamahal sayo anu ba naman ang simpleng post na ito mula sakin kumpara sa libu-libong taong magpapasaya ng kaarawan mo. Wala naman naisip ko lang na ito ang pinaka-simpleng regalo na maibibigay ko sayo to express my gratitude sa lahat, lahat ng tulong at moral support na natanggap ko mula sayo. Nakatulong talaga iyon ng sobra, sobra sakin. Kaya nga I marked you not just my boss but also a friend.

This article came from the expression of a friend.

What makes you UNIQUE?..

Wala naman ata, joke... Para saken, " her sincere and selfless hardwork " kaya nga hndi mo yan makausap at maistorbo kapag nagtratrabaho. Naks! Ui seryoso ito, from the bottom of my heart, walang joke.. Wala muna tayong joke dahil araw mo ngayon, bukas nalang ang jokes.. haha!

This is CHESKA! Her firm root to the ground despite of power, position and perks would really makes you feel, this is what the world needs! The world badly need it today. Highly gifted, has a superb quality but someone who owns a noble heart that will make her remembered always. When you get to know her, you'll get all the benefits of the best! Eternally optimistic, will brought to you the great adventure of life. She knows how to adapt in chaotic environment kahit ang high profile, but you will never know it unless makasama mo talaga sya.

Ako din naman hindi ko pa sya lubusang kilala, hindi naman kame madalas magkasama, hindi pa kame talaga super friends, I just get to know her sa office as a boss, kapag may Friday night minsan kahit maaga sya lagi umaalis and a little bit more nung malapit na akong umalis ng BFB I had a chance to talk to her often, minsan lang din kame mag-usap nyan ng seryoso madalas its a JOKE.. Pero sa simpleng mga pagkakataon na yon I used to have and kept that impressions about her. At wala pa namang pagkakataon na mali ang mga impressions ko na yon.

The dawn of a new day and all its possibilities!

Maligayang Kaarawan!

" READY TO LAND OFF "

" READY TO LAND OFF "

March 16, 2010, Tuesday. It was my first day facing new challenge in BPI Information System Institute as a trainee of Associate IT Specialist. I really don't have any idea what this Institute will be, all I want is to try. From the very first day that I decided to take this opportunity I already know I have to deal with the risk. So I dealt. It was my artistic expression of giving myself a break. Trying' to look for new direction with an exemplifying purpose.

As I enter this Institute I really felt anxious, but somehow happy that finally now conquer the fear of facing the reality to know and to test the real me. I know myself more than anyone, and I know where I can stand strong, but sometimes you have to live out of your comfort zone. I really
prayed hard for this, I just wanna try. Knowing it would be steep. I know, I really know.

But the bounds of reason push me thru.

This Institute really proves how strong the association I belong. Its really different to a typical college institute. Of course the section might be similar to your collegeous but the course outline really sucks and totally different. Imagine to learn one programming language in just 3 days, where in college you have 1 semester to learn all the syntax. But it doesn't matter how long, it still in your hands.

I remember, our professor said that once you graduated in ISI you now belong to the institute with a great programmers, only in BPI. I was inspired to strive hard towards this goal, "I have to be IN." Discuss, store, retrieve... The routine I have to comfort with, in addition to the nerd ones I have to deal with. You might not know how hard it was. All you know is "I CAN. I might, and I really tried hard. But sometimes no matter how hard we try fate doesn't want. But I still give myself an ultimate reason to move not for anyone but for my extreme purpose and direction.

Unfortunately, I am now having zero visibility towards this goal, I am now losing the guts, and now dropping off my guns. I lost the battle, but I know I won the war. I will now suffer the consequences of the risk I chose to conquer. But I am now ready, and looking for a new visions.

" I KNOW HIS PLANS ARE BETTER THAN MY DREAMS "

Born again with new panoplied....

" Mahal Kita Kasi " by Nicole Hyala

Sa wakas after ng ilang days ng paghahanap ng lyrics natagpuan ko din. Weekends lang kasi ako makapag-online.

Na-LSS kame ng kantang ito ng ipresent ito sa Goin' Bulilit, ang ganda kasi ng pagkakadeliver ng mga chikiting na un! Hindi ako mahilig sa mga novelty songs, ang corny nga ng mga novelty songs karamihan. Pero talagang isa ito sa mga nagustuhan ko. Araw-araw kong kinukulit ang mga officemates ko na isulat ang lyrics nito, pero ni isa sa kanila hindi ito maisulat.

Haha! naunahan ko kayo!

"Mahal Kita Kasi" by Nicole Hyala

Bangin ka ba kasi
nahuhulog na ako sayo
naman kasi

Unggoy ka ba kasi
sumasabit ka sa puso ko
naman kasi

Pustiso ka ba kasi
you know I can’t smile without you

Pagod na pagod na ako
maghapon ka na kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko
kasi naman
kasi mahal kita

Bagay tayong dalawa
pa-picture nga
para mapadevelop kita
Hindi tayo tao hindi rin tayo hayop
Bagay tayo, bagay talaga

Papupulis kita
kasi ninakaw mo ang puso ko
naman kasi

Kuto ka ba kasi
palagi ka sa ulo ko
naman kasi

Apoy ka ba kasi
Alab… alab…
I love you

Magsalbabida ka nga
Kasi baka malunod ka sa pag-ibig ko
kasi naman kasi
Mahal kita

Bagay tayong dalawa
pa-picture nga
para mapadevelop kita
Hindi tayo tao hindi rin tayo hayop
Bagay tayo, bagay talaga

Kamuka mo si Papa P, Dingdong
Papa P
Papa P, Dingdong

Exam ka ba kasi
Sasagutin kita agad agad
Naman kasi

Drugs ka ba kasi
Kaka-adik ka kasi kasi
naman kasi

Kulangot ka ba kasi
you’re really really hard to get

Posporo ka ba?
eh di posporo rin ako para match
kasi naman kasi
mahal kita

Bagay tayong dalawa
pa-picture nga
para mapadevelop kita
Hindi tayo tao hindi rin tayo hayop
Bagay tayo, bagay talaga

Pustiso ka ba kasi
I really really can’t smile without you

" TIME HEALS.."

Matagal tagal na din tayong hindi nag-usap, 1 year sa pagkakatanda ko. Isang emosyon ang nagtulak sa aking ipost ito ng makita ko ulit ang graduation gift na binigay mo sakin 2 years ago, natatandaan kong itinago ko ito at tinanggal sa silid ko ng dumating ang pagkakataon na hindi tayo nagkasundo sa isang tao na hindi ko na papangalanan, alam kong naipit ka nun sa aming dalawa, between sa 2 taong mahalaga sa iyo..

Hindi ko din inaasahan ang pangyayaring ito, sa limang taon nating pagkakaibigan madaming beses din tayong hindi nagkakaiintindihan, tampuhan kumbaga. We were not just friends diba, you were already part of my family the way I am with yours. Para na tayong magkapatid noon, hindi mapaghiwalay, magkadugtong ang bituka. Pag wala ka, wala din ako, pag hindi ang sagot mo hindi din ako, kung nasaan ka dun din ako.

Sinong mag-aakalang sa isang iglap magbabago ang lahat. Hindi tayo nakapag-usap matapos ang pangyayaring yon, wala akong masamang intensyon ng panahon na yon, I just cared, bilang isang taong unang masaasktan para sayo, siguro may pagkakamali din ako nun, mas nakinig ako sa sinabi ng ibang tao, ngunit anu bang dahilan nila para paglaruan lang ako at mapaniwala sa sinasabi mong hindi totoo. Pareho tayong nasa taas non, walang gustong bumaba at parehong naniniwalang nasa tama. Hanggang sa pinabayaan na nating lumipas ang araw, buwan, at ngayon 1 taon na na hindi nalinawan ang lahat.

Hindi ko narin naman hinahangad pa na pag-usapan muli ang mga nangyari, ang mga salitang nabitawan natin noon na alam kong dala lang ng mabigat na emosyon, nasaktan mo ako, nasaktan din kita. Malaking issue nga ang pangyayaring iyon, dahil hindi makapaniwala ang batch naten na we end up because of a stupid issue! Stupid diba?! Until now, I still wonder paano nangyari ang gayon.

Galit ako sa'yo sa tuwing naaalala ko ang lahat ng pinagsamahan naten, galit ako sa'yo sa tuwing maaalala ko kung gaano katibay ang samahan naten, galit ako sa'yo sa tuwing naaalala ko na hindi naten binigyan ng pagkakataon ang isa't-isa na magpatawad, galit ako dahil hindi ko ginustong mawala ang pinaka-matalik kong kaibigan, galit ako na sana nanahimik nalang ako noon, kung ginawa ko ba yon ganito ba tayo ngayon?..

" Time heals " ngayon ko napatunayan na matalinghaga at pawang totoo ang kasabihang iyon, okay na ko, hindi ko alam kung kelan at kung darating pa ang panahon na magkakakilala tayo ulit, the way how we accepted each other and became the best of friends! Pero handa na ako ulit, sana ikaw din...

Sana Ikaw din...

" R M D "

Huli na ang post ko, ang totoo nakagawa na ko nito bago pa ako umalis, ngunit bigla akong na-confused non kea hindi ko pi-nost at tuluyan kong dinelete ang file na un, minsan talaga pag tintoyo at sumusumpong ang mood swing ko ganun ang nangyayari..

This is for you guys... Simulan na?.. Syempre kung may mensahe kayo sakin, ako din meron..

Magsimula tayo sa pinakataas..

VP Louie Ballelos - Hearthrob?.. sa palagay ko, kase kapag nakikita sya ng mga tao abot tenga ang ngiti ng mga girls at gusto nila laging magpapicture. Sobra sobra ang pasasalamat ko sa kanya, nung last day ko, sobrang kaba ang nararamdaman ko dahil sa issue na wala pa kong kapalit para makaalis, but then it was warm and fine nung nag-goodluck sya sa akin, and to make me feel it was okay..

AVP Amy Dio - Meticulous................................

MGR Jonathan Uy - Someone I'm trying to look forward to kung nag-stay ako it's just that kung pinili kong mag-stay I would really strive hard to go the path he takes, to follow his trail.

AM Fancesca Marie Tamula - Bos ko, at pinili kong maging bos. But morethan my supervisor, I also love to be a friend, maniwala ka man o hindi.. hehe..

AM Mary Grace Ramos - Naman, eto ang taong magpaparamdam sayo na lagi kang may pagkakataon para itama kung may pagkakamali ka. "Wag kang matakot na baka magkamali, walang mapapala kundi magbabasakali, dahil lumilipas ang oras... " A great friend...

MGR Alvin Miranda - Teka ok lang ba to? baka mabasa ng pulis.. hehe.. Hearthrob din kase.. Gentle and Generous..

MGR Omar Guzman - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........

MGR Elinor Abellare - Syempre, dahil kay Mam Eli nagagawa kong gawin ang report nya ng Ageing ng half day lang, kase kukulitin nya ko lagi, hehe..

Mario Isleta - Tandem w/ Sir Alvin, the best! Follow your heart! hehe..

Anne Lorraine Derla - Iba to, expect the unexpected, hindi ka mapapahiya sa kanya..

Tropang Adik - Che, Cath, Paul, Julie, Raine, Rona, kung wala sila mas lalong hindi ako tumagal sa RMD.. Sila ang definition ng ice cream pag lunch, ng lunch out na hindi alam kung san kakain, ng meryenda sa labas na mauubos ang 30mins bago mgdecide na sa Manong Pepe nalang pagkatapos mo maglakad ng malayo, definition ng mga naka-royal, kaya nga adik! I love you guys!

Sisters and Company - Kels, Jenny, Joanne, Kai, Lyn.. Thank You!

Neri - Sya ang taong mas naniniwala pa sa kakayahan ko, kesa naniniwala ako sa sarili ko, kahit minsan may toyo naiintindihan ko pa rin sya, at handa naman akong intindihin sya, its the respect that will push you thru..

Carlo - Likas na pasaway!

Billy, Jacq, Tin, J-Ann - Pagbutihan lang sa work, tyaga, tyaga lang.. Lahat ng sacrifices may rewards palagi nyu un tatandaan. J-Ann baguhin ang mindings! Okei?!

And sa mga CIs - Kirk, Cris, Gerry, Dennis, Pabs, Sir Jun, Sir Vic, Sir Branny, Sir Billy na palaging akong kino-convince na kahit kakaiba ako it will always be a plus factor.. Thank You!

Tita Lilay - Thank you sa lahat ng support and advices!

Sir Dennis Legwork- Thank You!

May nakalimutan pa ba ko?..

RMD - Masaya ang mga tao, walang pressure, nag-ugat man sa iba't- ibang mundo at pananaw sa buhay matutunan mo silang mahalin. You will learn to adapt, and set aside the indifferences. Maigsi man ang span ng ating mga pinagsamahan, you guys will always be part of me, I learned a lot from all of you. Nandito pa din ako in case you need me, hindi kayo magdadalawang salita saken..

"No one will forget and Nothing will be forgotten."

/* Signing Off

" HULI NA KO.. "

" Napagiwanan na ko ng panahon, sa perspektibong ngayon palang ako bumubuo ng direksyon, habang sila ay patungo na sa kabilang direksyon"

Ngunit ang mahalaga ay handa akong tahakin ang direksyong paparating.. Maiwan man nila ako, ako man ang mahuli sa finish line, atleast sumunod ako at dumating, diba?.. Kung minsan nga lang napagmumuni-muni kong dinaanan din ba nila ang daan na tinatahak ko, may lubak din kaya silang nadaanan, o narasan din ba nilang madapa habang tumtakbo patungo sa finish line?.. Mas madilim ba sa daan ko?.. Dahil mag-isa ako?.. Habang sila ay sabay-sabay na tinatahak ang daang iyon..

Kung sumabay ba ako sa kanila hindi nila ako iiwan?.. Nasaan na kaya ako ngayon kung pinili kong sumama sa kanila?.. Maswerte din ba kong makakarating sa finish line kung kasama ko sila?..

Makakarating naman ako diyan, kung hihintayin nyu ako....

Medyo matagal nga lang, gaano ko man kagustong bilisan, mas pinili kong maglakad na alam ko ang pupuntahan ko kaysa tumakbo na hindi ko alam ang tamang direksyon, pero darating ako..

Darating ako, PANGAKO....

" IN YOUR JOURNEY "

Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat, lima....

Hindi ko na matandaan daan kung kailan ako huling ngpost ng blog, nasa kolehiyo pa ata ako ang huli, ngunit gumawa ako ng bagong blogsite account sa kadahilanang ang luma kong site ay kinalimutan ko na, bakit? dahil ang site na un ay mga post sa nakaraan na dapat ng kalimutan..

Mahabang istorya kung bakit, wag mo ng alamin, isang punto lamang iyon, " dapat mong kalimutan ang mga bagay na nakasakit sa iyo, ang mahalaga natuto tayo dun..

Gusto ko lang i-welcome ang sarili ko sa new site ko at sa pagbabalik ko sa pagsusulat, bakit nga ba ako bumalik dito?.. wala, wala naman..

Abangan...