BIRTHDAY MO NA NAMAN?...

BIRTHDAY MO NA NAMAN?.. blow out naman! haha!

A year na pala ang entry ko, happy anniv sa entry ko! Yun talaga un eh not because you get a year older! Haha!

Actually have drop by sa page where I posted a feature of you, binasa ko ulit, basahin mo din ulit eto oh:
http://pam-thinks-rocks.blogspot.com/2010/04/birthday-mo-ngayon.html

Kapag nabasa mo na, yun na ulit ang mensahe ko sa'yo walang nagbago, sabe nga ni BPI "as is where is", hahaha! Joke lang! Ehhheeeemmmm! Seryoso na, eto na game na...
Akalain mo, you tick my pen para magpost ng entry, sobrang tinatamad kasi ako lately, pero dahil kaarawan mo sinipag ako!!!!!!!!!!

Pagmasdan ang picture na ito:




Pleasing delicacy made by ILIGAN, CITY

Alin ang naiba? Meron ba? wala ano? Naks! Hindi tumatanda! Pumapayat lang! Actually bata pa naman s'ya, ilang taon ka na nga Maam Ches? 28? 29? Patingin ng maganda mong Driver's license, hahaha! Teka hindi ako makapag-isip ng seryoso! Na-miss kasi kita! Wow! Na-miss! Anu un? Sorry na, wala kasi akong boss sa ISG na pwede kong asarin! Ikaw lang! Haha!

Mula sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, namiss kita!(kayo!) I miss you all!
There had no been change in this pretty girl! Pretty pa din! Pautang ng 200k, hahaha!

This is a harsh truth, lucky is the man who owns her! (KING?). Sarap ba naman i-hug may unan ka na, may kutson pa. Joke! Lucky naman talaga, parang when you have her, "the amount you'll tender is greater than the amount due". Ayun oh! Na-iimagine ko ung smile mo, haha.. Bumabawi lang, hope this will make you smile kahit konti lang, haven't been part of RMD's birthday presents for you and grash. That's why have this distinct way of greeting you. This might be small in a way, but hope it's tenderness arouses your feelings, that there is someone who will always remember and look up to you . We may not be in the same place everyday, but I always have within your thought, for me you're a worthy of imitation. People you love, and people who loves you will always be grateful to have you. NO DOUBT! Sino kokontra? taas kamay! Hope that you'll have a great day today! Happy Birthday! Mwaaaaahhh!

Where I am, is because of your unselfish concern, lagi akong magpapasalamat, you brought me to a particular quality(competence) na hindi ko nagawa when I was in RMD. But because of you, I'm doing good on my job, THANK YOU! endlessly...

"SECOND LIFE"

JANUARY 21, 2011 - GOD HAS GIVEN ME A CHANCE TO THANK YOU"

IT WAS JUST A TYPICAL DAY, I'VE BEEN IN THE OFFICE, FOR HALF A DAY. NOTHING UNUSUAL, IT WAS JUST ORDINARY, AND I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING STRIKINGLY ODD. BUT I FILED A HALF DAY VACATION LEAVE THAT DAY, JUST TO MAKE A GOOD DEED TO SOMEONE WHO ASK FOR MY FAVOR.

FOR SOME REASON I SHOULD BE IN SM NORTH EDSA, BUT THE ONE I SHOULD MEET UP CALLED AND CHANGED THE MEETING PLACE TO SM MEGA MALL. I WENT TO SM MEGAMALL, BUT UNFORNATELY I HAVE A TEXT MESSAGE WHICH I HAVEN'T READ BEFORE I RIDE OFF THE BUS. IT'S SM NORTH EDSA AGAIN. SO I RIDE ON A BUS GOING TO NORTH.

I HAVEN'T FEEL ANY PERCEPTION THAT, THAT DAY MIGHT BE MY LAST DAY. I'M JUST A ONE STATION AWAY TO SM NORTH, 10MINS AWAY. UNCONCIOUSLY A BUS BUMPED INTO US. PASSENGER AT THE BACK WAS THREW OFF THEIR SEAT. AND I FELT AN IMPACT ON MY HEAD, NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME IT WAS JUST MY HEAD FEELS LIKE THERE WAS A POWERFUL STROKE THAT BLOWS MY HEAD. THANK'S GOD I WAS SITTING IN FRONT.

PASSENGERS WAS FILLED WITH SUDDEN PANIC, I ALSO FELT A SUDDEN MASS OF FEAR THAT MOMENT. WE JUST RIDE OFF THE BUS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE PASSENGERS SITTING AT BACK AND THE PASSENGERS IN THE BUS WHO BUMPED INTO US. I JUST SAW THE FRONT SHIELD ACQUIRES A SERIOUS DAMAGE AS WELL AS THE BACK SHIELD OF THE BUS I WAS RIDING, BUT WHAT'S ON MY MIND WAS I HAVE TO BE IN SM NORTH EDSA BECAUSE SOMEONE IS WAITING FOR ME. SO I JUST LEFT THE AREA AND RIDE A BUS, AND ACTS AS NOTHING HAPPENS.

I HAVEN'T TOLD MY FRIEND WHAT HAPPEN, I JUST DON'T WANT HIM TO BE CONCERNED WITH, SINCE IM OKAY AND NO MEDICAL CARE WAS REQUIRED.

BUT ON MY WAY HOME, I JUST CAN'T FORGET WHAT HAPPEN. WHAT IF'S STARTS TO INVADE MY MIND.

WHAT IF I DIED THAT MOMENT?..

I HAVEN'T GIVEN A CHANCE TO SAY THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU, I HAVEN'T TOLD MY MOM HOW MUCH I LOVE HER, I HAVEN'T SAY SORRY TO MY DAD FOR EVERY CARELESS THING I'VE DONE, I HAVENT TOLD MY BROTHER HOW MUCH I LOVE AND CARE FOR HIM AND FOR HIS FAMILY, I HAVEN'T SAY GOODBYE TO MY ANGELS (GIAN AND GABBY), I HAVEN'T TOLD THEM THAT I'M GO'NNA MISS THEM SO MUCH, I HAVEN'T SAY THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY WORK AREA, I HAVEN'T GIVEN A CHANCE TO TALK TO MY BESTFRIEND WHO PROBABLY WENT OUT OF MY LIFE 2 YEARS AGO. I HAVEN'T SAY I LOVE YOU TO SOMEONE WHO OCCUPIES THE BIGGEST PART OF ME.

WHAT IF I PASSSED AWAY RIGHT THAT MOMENT, WHO WOULD KNOW ALL THE FEELINGS AND INTUITIONS I HAVE INSIDE?..

WELL I GUESS, I WOKE UP TODAY FOR HE IS GIVING ME A CHANCE TO DO THINGS I SHOULD BUT I FORGOT TO, NOR I AM FORGETTING TO. AND IT MIGHT BE A CALL FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS WITH ME, WHICH I INTENTIONALLY STOP TO REMEMBER. FOR I ALREADY STOP BELIEVING THAT HE HAS THE POWER TO CONTROL HUMAN DESTINY, I ALREADY BROKE MY FAITH AND TRUST IN HIM, FOR SOME PERSONAL REASON. SO UNTIL NOW, I WONDER AND DEEPLY REFLECT "

DID HE REALLY WANTS ME?"
AND WHY?"

BUT ON THE START OF MY SECOND LIFE, I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!

THIS IS FOR ALL OF YOU WHO TOUCHES MY LIFE! IF YOU WERE TAGGED IN THIS ENTRY, YOU BELONG TO THE ONE WHO BRINGS UP THE BEST IN ME!

"SALAMAT!"

"We can never go back and change what has been done, but we can always earn the lesson learned to make things better next time.."

O V E R A G A I N...

Kamusta ka na? Pasensya ka na ngayon lang ulit kita nabisita, huwag ka ng magtampo pawang binawasan ko lang ang aking panahon sa pag-oOnline.. Ngayon lang ulit dahil sa mahabang bakasyon..

Hayyy............ alam mo ba nakakatampo, naging abala ko sa pamimili at paghahanda ng mga regalo para sa araw na ito, para mapasaya ko naman ang mga tao sa paligid ko, isang beses lang kasi ito sa isang taon, kaya nais ko palaging mapasaya sila kahit isang araw lang...

Pero bakit ganun, masaya ako para sa kanila, pero para sa sarili ko?.. HINDI.. Isang taon ko na din kasing hinihingi sa KANYA ang isang regalo na lubos na mapagpapasaya sa akin, pero kagaya ng nakaraang Pasko, hindi ko din ito natanggap.. Naiintindihan ko naman, baka ayaw pa nyang ibigay sa ngayon dahil hindi pa ako handa. Pero kelan? Hanggang kelan ako maghihintay? O baka naman, wala naman talaga akong hinihintay?..

Ako naman ay nagsisisi at nagtitika sa lahat ng aking pagkakamali sa loob ng isang taon, alam kong marami akong nagawang kasalanan, at hindi ko naman iyon ikina-kaila, at iyon ay hinihingi ko ng patawad sa KANYA.. Dahilan ba iyon para hindi ako makatanggap ng regalo mula sa KANYA? Marahil...

Minsan lang ay hindi ko maiwasan isipin na nakakapagod din pala, ang maghintay, yung nakikita mo ang ibang tao na kahit wala silang gawin ay nakakatanggap pa rin sila ng espesyal na regalo mual sa KANYA, nakakainggit minsan, pero alam kong mali iyon. O baka naman nalilito lang SYA sa dami ng hinihingi sa kanya ay nalilimutan NYA ang mga hiling ko, o baka naman dahil may mas nangangailangan makatanggap ng regalo mula sa KANYA.. Hindi ko din alam ang mga kasagutan sa mga tanong ko, sapagkat wala naman akong natatanggap na sagot mula sa KANYA..

Hayyy.............. Sana minsan lumingon ka naman, dito oh....... kahit sandali lang, para makita mo naman ang isang hiling na nagmumula sa kaibuturan ng aking puso. Pero okay lang kung hindi mo pa ako mapansin ngayon, maiintindihan ko..

Maghihintay nalang ako ulit ng susunod na PASKO, baka sa panahon na iyon matanggap ko na ang pinakamagandang regalo mula sa iyo..

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN!

"you left me hanging..

It's been 3 months since my last blog, I got too busy in certain cases that's why..

But as of this moment, I had this inclusive concept that made me drop a line in my page. I am totally uninformed of what is going on, not having even a clue of what have I've done for you to act that way. It's just so weird, the last time we see each other were fine, after that day I was not aware that day will be our last day..

It's our usual not to send messages everyday, cause were both busy and we knew each other that way. I just let that way because, its the condition of things between us generally. But I was really surprise of your way! And I'm not even fuckin' fine! How could you left me, without even giving a sensible reason nor telling that you are walking away. Your'e causing me misery and so much pain. Until now, strange and surprising. I tried to get hold of you, but you keep silent. I tried to dispose the thought of you in certain ways, but Im so stupid that I can't.

I know we haven't make a promise nor a commitment, but as a person, you should know and assess the time value I have given you. Don't just left me hanging... I am emotionally and intellectually attached with you, you must know it..

So please, growled a reply! And let something be known!

"AS THEY GREW UP"

Had a great weekends.

Pakiramdam ko gumaling ako. Leave ako ng Friday, kaya Thursday pa lang ng gabi nasa Bulacan na ako para mgpahinga. Nakapagpahinga naman ako ng isang buong araw. Friday ng gabi dumating ang mga pamangkins ko from school sinundo sila ng dad nila (brother ko) para dito sila mg-spend weekends nila. Three weeks ko na silang hindi nakita kaya sobrang miss ko na sila.

Pagdating nila, niyakap ko kagad ang bunso namen, namiss ko talaga siya, at sa yakap na iyon naramdaman kong namiss nya din ako. Lumaki kasi sya na palaging nakakapit saken, kaya natutuwa naman ako na kahit hindi na sila dito sa amin nakatira, kapag umuuwi sila dito ay hindi pa naman nila ako nakakalimutan. Kung gaano kame ka-close noong maliliit pa sila ganoon pa din naman hanggang ngayon. Kahit 7yrs old na ang panganay at 5yrs old naman si bunso, baby pa din sila parasa akin.

Noong umalis sila dito sa amin, ang takot ko noon baka isang araw kapag nakita nila ako ay hindi na nila matandaan kung gaano kame ka-close, na baka isang araw ay hindi na nila ako kilala. Na hindi mo na sila nakikita sa paglaki nila, na baka habang lumalaki sila nakakalimutan na nila na parte ka ng buhay nila. Iyon ang pinakamasakit para sa akin. Pero sa ngayon mukhang hindi naman. Kapag nandito sila sa amin parang hari at reyna ang dumadating, sila ang nagiging dahilan para magka-bonding moments ang family namen, sila ang dahilan ng saya sa tahanan namin.

Friday night dvd marathon kame, kain ng kung anu-anong chichiria, harutan, kulitan hanggang sa makatulog na. I spend the night with them sa house ng bro ko, minsan lang kasi talaga sila nandito, minsan ko lang sila makatabi sa pagtulog. At the same time iyon lang din ang pagkakataon na kasama ko ang kapatid ko. Sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari kahit na may pagkakataon na nagalit ako sa kanya, hindi pa din noon nasira ang pagiging magkapatid namin at pagiging close. Kinalimutan ko na din ang mga nangyari at hinahayaaan ko na lang siya na maging masaya. Pero iyon ibig sabihin na sumang-ayon na ako sa kanya. But for the sake of the kids handa naman ako kalimutan ang mgapagkakamali nya.

Saturday, breakfast lang tapos lipat naman kami sa house ng mom ko, kain ng ice cream, then lunch ng-bonding kame thru ihaw-ihaw ng pagkain namin. After lunch balik ulit sa house ng bro ko till night na.

Sunday morning, prepare na sila para umuwi sa mom nila. Iyon ng routine palagi kapag umuuwi sila dito Sunday morning kailangan na nila umuwi sa mom nila. Syempre sumama ako maghatid sa kanila para ma-spend ko pa ang konting oras with them. Pagdating sa house nila, kwentuhan konti with their mom, kain ng konti, and laugh out loud with kalokohan ng mga kids. Iyon lang ulit ang pagkakataon na nakita ko na magkakasama silang pamilya na nagtatawanan, sa isip ko noon kailan kaya sila ulit mabubuo? Kung makikita mo kung gaano kasaya ang mga bata kapag kasama nila ang mommy at daddy nila ng sabay. Iba ung kaligayahan nila.

Time to say bye to the kids, kailangan na namin umuwi, this is always the sad part, si bunso kasi kapag hinhatid namin sila palaging humahabol. And it sucks to see kung gaano nya kagusto sumama sa amin, pero hindi pwede. Kahit ako it breaks my heart. Kung pwede lang bakit hindi. Kahit nasasaktan ka kailanganmo silang iwanan. The minute na pagtalikod pa lang namin, haaayyyyyyyyy.......... Miss ko na sila kagad. Minsan iniisip ko din, na sana hindi ko nalang sila ka-close para hindi ko sila namimiss, para hindi ko sila palaging hinihintay,but damn! sobrang mahal ko sila.

I'm still hoping in HIS time, mabubuo ulit ang pamilya nila.

Miss ko na kayo sa susunod ulit nating pagkikita.

"SICK WITH ENVY"

Got sick. Not feeling well, that's why I decided to have a sick leave.

Shame......... I have 2 leaves for this month in two consecutive week.
Both sick leave. I'm really sick, but i don't know if I'm doing this to run out of my job or I got sick because of my job, I am deeply affected of what my job is.

Maybe. I can't find any sensible reason to leave than being sick.

Sad for me, I am "SICK WITH ENVY".. But I can't reproach anyone for my lapses and misdeed. There's no one to be blame but me. I can't form an estimate on what life has to offer, rather I am no more expecting. It might be my price, for wishing to much. Now I know the meaning of being contented, contented on what HE has given you. You should know how to control your specific feeling of desire. At least now I know.

But I've gone through this because of my aspirations. Am I wrong to dream? Or these dreams had been too much?..

I am no longer in possession nor have a control in my direction, I want to take a reverse gear but its no longer applicable, I tried to speed up but it makes me stop, and there's no u-turn slot ahead, where am I going? I'm lost definitely.

Wish I could found new and right direction. Here I am again wishing. Too bad.. I should change this apparent nature. I will.

I'm letting all my burdens and fears in HIS grace hands. Whatever will be, will be..
I just hope I can still smile tomorrow.

"SAKTO"

'Parang tiwala pag nasira na bigla-biglaang talaga, mahirap ng idikit ang tiwala pag napunit" -TSOKOLATE by Parokya ni Edgar

Theme song namen yan ng "bestfriend" ko nung college. Should I call it bestfriend? may nagsabi nga sa akin, hindi bestfriend ang tawag dun kung madali itong nasira ng mga stupidong bagay. Tama nga naman. I strongly agree. Natatandaan ko ang huli kong post dito ay nabanggit ko pa sya that I was able to accept the fact na hindi na kame magiging okay kailanman. Totoo naman eh, natanggap ko na at okay na ko. Ganun talaga ang buhay hindi ba? some people will leave you, you just have to accept.

Pero bakit ko ba ito pino-post dito, bakit ko naisipan magsulat tungkol sa kanya. Hindi ko din alam, I'm stupid to think, pero sobrang tamang tama ang timing nya na bigla nya akong naalala. One month ago na ang birthday ko, she sent me a message "Belated Happy Birthday!" Nung moment na iyon sobrang lutang ako kase nga depressed ako with my new assignment, kaya ng makita ko ang sender ng message na yon nagulat ako, hindi ko nga alam kung magrereply ako sa text na iyon, I was thinking "baka wrong sent?, baka hindi siya yon?, baka someone is just using her cellphone?" I asked a friend kung magrereply ako, sabi nya mag-thank you ka sabihin mo lang "Thanks!" Then I texted her "Salamat and yngat". Pero right at that moment nag-flashback talaga ung college life namen, medyo sumaya ako ng maalala ko lahat pero nalungkot ako wishing I could turn back time, I miss her honeslty and her family.

Ngayon kase, I keep everything to myself. Wala eh, no one is around to be my keeper. Unlike dati, sabi nga nila magkadugtong ang bituka namen.

The night that day I texted her ulit, "Kmzta kn?"

Hindi din naman ako umaasa na mag-rereply siya, and like what I've expected hindi na siya sumagot. Naisip ko nun, maybe gusto nga lang nya ko batiin in later time, dahil siguro binati ko rin sya noong kaarawan nya late na din. It was fine with me, nakalimutan ko na nga na nag-text pala ako sa kanya.

The next morning, she texted me "Ui pacenxa kna ngaun lang ako nkareply, ok lang naman pu ako, kw?"

Nag-isip pa ko ng matagal kung anung isasagot ko, maybe dahil I already forget how to talk her to her, morethan a year na din kase na hindi talaga kame nag-usap, thats why I was too mute that moment. I just told her "Masaya nman ako at naalala mo aqng itxt". Medyo nag-usap naman kame, kahit na mararamdaman mo na it is in a cold manner. Hindi ako alam kung ito ba ang tamang pagkakataon para magka-ayos kame, pero wala pa ding nagbabago sa amin, pareho pa ding mataas ang pride namen, like the old times. Pero at least nakapg-kwnetuhan kame kahit papano about what is happening today. Medyo nabawasan ang depression ko. At hindi na din namen pinag-usapan ang mga issue ng nakaraan. Better yon diba, wala nga lang closure ang nangyari.

I wish I can tell her how much I miss my bestfriend. Pero okay na siguro iyon, we have a different life now, tama na siguro na okay na kame kahit papano, yung alam namen na we are forgiven kahit hindi na sabihin alam kong the moment that we took time to talked kahit hindi personaly, alam kong napatawad na namen ang isa't-isa. I wish her the best of everything, and siguro handa at kaya ko pa rin pala syang tulungan kapag pinuntahan nya ako at kailangan nya ng taong tatayo sa tabi nya. Sabi ko noon I will never ever be there for her kahit pa maging a matter of life and death I won't. Pero mali pala ako, I can still be there despite of everything,
"if she will ask to.